Work on Yourself First
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I thought I would never hurt her. In college, I had learned much of the theory about child development, and I promised myself not to commit my mother’s mistakes. Years later, I found myself reacting poorly, losing my patience, and sometimes hurting my sweet daughter’s feelings. I learned that I had to first work on myself before trying to parent my kids. I have to understand my own expectations, what triggers my emotions, and my own insecurities.
We all want our kids to become healthy, happy, and well-adjusted adults. Parenting with emotional awareness should be the first step to achieving that. This means first working on our own self-awareness. Having self-awareness involves understanding our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors while disciplining a child, as well as recognizing how your discipline will impact them. In the long term, we aim help our kids develop high emotional intelligence and to thrive in all areas of their lives.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It includes being aware of our feelings and how they impact our thoughts and behaviors, and it involves empathizing with others to build strong relationships. By developing emotional intelligence, children can better navigate their emotions and handle challenging situations.
Mindful Parenting
Mindful Parenting, or Conscious parenting, is a parenting style that focuses on being aware of oneself, being present, making intentional choices, and listening to our children with compassion and understanding. Being aware of oneself, or self-awareness, means paying attention to our emotions, understanding what triggers them, and regulating them. This helps us better tune in to our children’s emotions and respond to them in a calm and supportive manner. This helps our children feel heard and understood, which is essential for their emotional development.
When we’re able to regulate our own emotions, we can respond to our children’s emotions with more empathy and support, as opposed to responding in a reactionary or incendiary manner. When we’re in touch with our emotions, we can connect with our child’s feelings and experiences, creating a stronger emotional connection as we “meet them where they are”. When we can be present in the moment and identify our emotional status, we are less likely to project our own unresolved issues onto our children. We can separate our experiences from theirs and avoid burdening them with our unresolved emotions.
Lead by Example
Children learn by observing and imitating their parents’ behaviors. That’s why we must model emotional intelligence for them by prioritizing our own emotional growth in how we respond to our emotions, as well as being mindful of how we interact with others. We can remind ourselves that it’s in our power to respond to our emotions by first observing our emotions and their effects in our bodies and in our thoughts. When our kids see us behave and react mindfully, they will respond in kind, and they’ll thereby increase their emotional intelligence.
Practical Steps
Here are some practical steps to enhance your self-awareness as a parent:
- Journaling for daily reflection. Think about your parenting experiences every day for a few minutes. How did you respond to different situations? How did your emotions affect your responses?
- Request feedback from friends, family, or a therapist to help identify any areas of improvement.
- Practice mindfulness exercises such as meditation, deep breathing, and prayer. This can help you to become more attuned to your emotions.
- Take care of your body and mind. When you’re well-rested and emotionally balanced, you’re more likely to be a compassionate and patient parent.
Growth and Harmony Journal (for kids 8 and up)
Check out our journal (only $7.99). This journal is designed to teach kids Gratitude, a Growth Mindset, Emotional Intelligence, and Mindfulness.
Seek Support
By incorporating these practices into our parenting, we can nurture our children’s emotional well-being and help them develop high emotional intelligence. Remember, this a journey, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. What matters is that we actively work towards creating a safe and supportive environment in which our children thrive.
